Friday, February 4, 2011

Another Query Attempt

No, I'm not querying yet. But here's my latest attempt at writing a query letter. What do you think? Confusing or no? Does it make you want to read the book?


Brian’s life is perfect. Leah’s is a living hell. Brian is ordinary. Leah remembers things that haven’t happened yet. Their lives have only one thing in common—Esha. She’s Brian’s girlfriend and Leah’s savior, and she just learned to control other people’s emotions.

According to Leah, she’s also about to be murdered.

But Leah has a plan. It hinges on the fact that Esha’s power comes from and fulfills other people’s desires. For Esha, that means as long as someone nearby wants her safe, her power will protect her.

Brian’s feelings for Esha make him the perfect power source, but Esha can only draw power from people who don’t know what she’s doing.

So, even though he’s central to the plan, Leah tells Esha to keep Brian in the dark. And she tells Brian not to temper his desires, even when they threaten to destroy his relationship with Esha. Brian’s not sure he trusts Leah’s judgment, but can he risk ignoring it?

In truth, Leah has no idea how to prevent the murder. If she could use her own power again, she’d know better what to do. But the process would destroy her mind. Even Esha wouldn’t be able to repair the damage.

Brian wants to keep his girlfriend.

Leah wants to keep her sanity.

They both want Esha to live.

IN MEMORY is a 75,000 word young adult urban fantasy.



Hmm. Still needs some polishing, but I like the structure.

3 comments:

  1. So THAT'S why Brian is always in the dark! I get it now!

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  2. Hey Ben- thanks for the comment:) And thanks for asking me about the rest of the chapter- I hadn't realized I needed to updats my tabs. It's up on the tabs under WAYS TO FALL.

    And I love the query- it feels a little long, but I'm not sure how you could shorten it without losing clarity. Sorry I can't be more helpful:)

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  3. I really like this Ben! Intriguing enough to get requests, I think!

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