Wednesday, May 7, 2014

No, wait! I like this query better!

And I posted it on this very blog back in October of 2011, before I even started writing The Freezer. For some reason, it's better than any of the four (or five?) queries I've written since then.

What do you think? (Yes, you.)


THE ORIGINAL, PRE-WRITING PITCH, BACK FROM THE DEAD:

The world is about to die a violent death at the hands of a rogue planet. The last escape ships have gone, leaving billions of people knowing the exact date and time of their demise. Society is coming apart at the seams. Violence is spreading. Food is disappearing. There's one month left.

Thane Ryder turned down a seat on a spaceship to stay with his six-year-old daughter Mandy, and he intends to make her final days happy. He'll stay in his home and refuse protection. He'll feed his enemies and treat them like friends. He'll plant a garden, clean the house, and teach Mandy to ride a bicycle. He won't pick up a gun or show any of the fear gnawing away at his insides.

And if keeping his daughter from feeling that fear means building a spaceship out of an old freezer, he'll do that too. If she sees the lie in his eyes, maybe he'll even learn to believe the impossible: that their crude spaceship will work, that it will carry them away to find mommy, who left—and was lost—on a scout ship.

Whatever it takes to hide the fear. It's only for a month.

2 comments:

  1. Ooooo...this is good stuff.

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  2. I agree with Shelly. I think both the story and query were compelling.

    ReplyDelete